Watching Myself Experience Life

Submission week has passed. Sixteen pairs of eyes have read the first 3,000 words of my novel. This week, the feedback rolls in, swift and unrelenting. Today, it’s coming hard and fast, and I find myself in that familiar place: waiting. I am learning that waiting is not just a pause but an active process, a moment of reflection where I sit with my thoughts and emotions, letting them ebb and flow like waves lapping at the shore.

I read each review, observing the way my breath changes, the way my chest tightens or loosens. You’d think by now I’d know how to take them in stride, but I don’t. Not entirely. Some words make me want to cry; others fill me with the sudden urgency to finish this book and send it out into the world. My soul waits, patient and still, watching as my ego fumbles to decide whether this feedback is friend or foe. It’s almost as if my higher self already knows the truth and is waiting for me to catch up, to see the bigger picture beyond the immediate emotions.

It’s strange, this waiting. I can almost see it, this pause, this suspension, as if my ego and I are standing on opposite sides of a room, both holding our breath. And then, in a few days, the reaction comes. A flood of thoughts: should I start over from scratch? Should I abandon the story altogether? But soon enough, clarity settles in. There are good parts, salvageable ones. I remind myself that every draft is mine first. Before it belongs to anyone else, it is mine. And in that thought, there is comfort, a quiet sense of ownership that no critique can take away.

I used to think success meant a flood of readers, bestseller lists, and accolades. Now, I know better. If only one person buys my novel and it resonates, that is enough. My ego has learned to soften, to trust that we work together, not against each other. I write because I agreed to growth, to expansion, to rediscovery. And that is enough. This journey, I realize, is less about external validation and more about the internal shifts that happen along the way, the unfolding of self-awareness, the deepening of my craft, and the courage to share my truth with the world.

In moments like these, I find it fascinating, the way I experience myself experiencing life. The layers of awareness, the silent conversations within. Writing, receiving feedback, continuing forward, it’s all part of this intricate dance of remembering who I am. And perhaps, that is the greatest gift this process offers me, a constant reminder that creativity is not just about producing something tangible but about evolving into a more authentic version of myself.

I love the art of rediscovering myself. And in the end, that is what matters most. Whether it takes months or years, each story, each word I write, brings me closer to understanding my own voice, my own journey, and the infinite possibilities that lie ahead.

#writingjourney #selfdiscovery #novelwriting #feedbackprocess #creativegrowth #authenticself #writerslife #trusttheprocess #AmaraHartwood